(Written by Hoyt Axton)

I woman that I know just came from Colombia.
She smiled because I did not understand.
Then she held out some marijuana, uh huh.
She said it was the finest in the land.

And I said, "No no no no,
I don't smoke it no more.
I'm tired of waking up on the floor.
No thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze.
And then it makes it hard to find the door."

A man I know just came to me from Tennessee, Oh.
He smiled because I did not understand.
The ne held out some moonshine whiskey, oh ho!
He said it was the finest in the land.

And I said, "No no no no,
I don't drink it no more.
I'm tired of waking up on the floor.
No thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze.
And then it makes it hard to find the door."

A woman that I know just came from Majorca, Spain,
She smiled because I did not understand.
Then she held out a 10 pound bag of cocaine.
She said it was the finest in the land.

And I said, "No no no no,
I don't no more.
I'm tired of waking up on the floor.
No thank you, please,
It only makes me sneeze.
And then it makes it hard to find the door