The functional member of society,
Fixes dysfunctions,
Fixed my car,
Fixed my art,
Fixed the price,
Fixed my vice,
Made me a functional member of society.

Make me function,
Make me function,
Make me function,
So functional.

The functional member of sobriety,
Fixed me a drink,
A shot of methadone
So I won't think.
A low tar cigarette
To cut down the threat
Of making me a functional member of sobriety.

Mr. Function, what's your gumption,
Spreading the word of conditioned corruption.
Mr. Function, a revolution is beginning to form,
At the D.C. junction.

Made me function,
Made me function,
Made me function,
So functional.

The functional member of hilarity,
Is on the TV,
Now I can sit at home
And be told how to be.
How to wear my coat,
How to righteously vote,
Ain't gonna be a functional member of hilarity.

Made me function,
Made me function,
Made me function,
So functional.

Nobody gonna pull me down,
Nobody gonna push me around.
Nobody gonna pull me down,
Nobody gonna push me around.
Nobody gonna pull me,
Nobody gonna push me.
Nobody!